I’ve been lonely of late.
Because of circumstances, I’ve been living with my daughter, her husband and little boy, Riley. I’m so grateful that I’ve had a place to be and I love experiencing the milestones of my grandson… he’s just precious! And I’m grateful that I’ve secured a job as a journalist and will soon be moving into my own place. It’s been hard to humble myself and accept the generosity of my daughter.
Pride has it’s way of confusing the issue.
I’ve also been struggling with loneliness. I watch my daughter and her husband as they finish out the day, talking to each other, sharing their day, planning for the future, and it hits home that I am in this alone…
It feels that way… I feel alone…
Or am I?
I know that I have God… but I’ll be honest. It’s hard. He can seem so remote at times and being someone who just wants to be hugged, His love can seem so distant.
I have to work at knowing I’m not alone. I do. I hate to admit it. But, at night, as I lay down and ponder my day, longing for someone to share it with, I can actually get angry at God…. I want Him to be tangible… I want to see His face, his eyes.
But, that’s not faith. Faith is being sure of something unseen, unfelt, un-tangible…. OH, I cling to faith… I cling to the unseen… it’s so difficult, but I try…
Dear God, help me in my seeking… let me be content in your love… help me feel less lonely…
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