I am SO human… so predictable and I don’t ever seem to get past this one…
I recently had an interview for a job that I’m still waiting to hear about. I would love to get this job and I honestly feel like it’s a perfect fit. But, through the process, I have become really annoyed with myself because I find myself doing the ‘What if… then maybe game’… hoping to get something out of my behavior.
You know what I mean…
What if I love everyone, to the point of exhaustion, ignoring my own needs and well-being… then maybe I will be loved in return.
What if I work incessantly at pleasing people… then maybe I will be loved in return.
What if I am the perfect Christian… following all of the rules to a tee… then maybe God will love me in return.
What if I give all my money to help others… then maybe I will be blessed and loved in return.
What if I do all of the above… then maybe I’ll get that job!
I remember the very first time I did something that garnered praise and love… I must have been 4 and I took it upon myself to clean up the bookshelves that housed my brother’s and my toys. The reaction I received from my father over that little clean-up changed me forever. I loved his reaction! I loved how grown-up and worthy I felt. He was proud of me!!! It would dictate how I began to work in order garner praise and love for the rest of my life…! People-pleasing…
I still seek that from others … and, wrongly, I still seek that reaction from God. I continually hope that my behavior will make him proud of me. If I behave in a certain way… then maybe He will come through for me.
I limit God by placing human expectations on Him… I think many of us do.
The only things that God is asking of me is to trust him and to wait on him… with patience. I don’t need to do anything or behave in a certain way. I just need to chill… and love and trust my Heavenly Father…
What If I let him have control of my life? What if I trust him with that life? What if I just wait on Him??
Then maybe I won’t have to try so hard and I can appreciate the true expression of love … God’s unfailing love.