Captured by Pam

words and images by pam wright

Captured: What if… Then Maybe

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I am SO human… so predictable and I don’t ever seem to get past this one…

I recently had an interview for a job that I’m still waiting to hear about. I would love to get this job and I honestly feel like it’s a perfect fit. But, through the process, I have become really annoyed with myself because I find myself doing the ‘What if… then maybe game’… hoping to get something out of my behavior.

You know what I mean…

What if I love everyone, to the point of exhaustion, ignoring my own needs and well-being… then maybe I will be loved in return.

What if I work incessantly at pleasing people… then maybe I will be loved in return.

What if I am the perfect Christian… following all of the rules to a tee… then maybe God will love me in return.

What if I give all my money to help others… then maybe I will be blessed and loved in return.

What if I do all of the above… then maybe I’ll get that job!

I remember the very first time I did something that garnered praise and love… I must have been 4 and I took it upon myself to clean up the bookshelves that housed my brother’s and my toys. The reaction I received from my father over that little clean-up changed me forever.  I loved his reaction! I loved how grown-up and worthy I felt. He was proud of me!!! It would dictate how I began to work in order garner praise and love for the rest of my life…! People-pleasing…

I still seek that from others … and, wrongly, I still seek that reaction from God. I continually hope that my behavior will make him proud of me. If I behave in a certain way… then maybe He will come through for me.

I limit God by placing human expectations on Him… I think many of us do.

The only things that God is asking of me is to trust him and to wait on him… with patience. I don’t need to do anything or behave in a certain way. I just need to chill… and love and trust my Heavenly Father…

What If I let him have control of my life? What if I trust him with that life? What if I just wait on Him??

Then maybe I won’t have to try so hard and I can appreciate the true expression of love … God’s unfailing love.

4 Comments

  1. Romans 5:8

    New International Version (NIV)

    8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
    It’s part of our fallen human nature to think that if we do this or that, God will love us more or do what we ask– but He loved us enough to send Jesus to die for us —

    It’s hard to trust in Him — but that’s what He wants us to do. Praying for you Pam!

  2. Pam,
    I so love keeping up with your journey via your posts! God is doing a mighty work in you! Can’t wait to see where He takes you. Praying for you!

  3. Thanks for sharing this! I too have struggled with seeking horizontal (earthly) approval rather than Vertical (Godly) approval. I’m making the shift and it changed everything! Not only does God approve of us, but on the day of our salvation, he adopts us into His royal family…. As daughters. Transaction complete. Paperwork done! He is pleased! Time to celebrate sister!

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