
I have had encounters with angels. Several times. This is the story of one of those encounters.
Over the past several days I’ve been swamped with work so I’ve averaged only about 4 hours of sleep a night. So this afternoon, I decided that I needed a little nap to rejuvenate. I woke up from that nap after a terrible nightmare… one of those nightmares where you are weeping in your dream over some heartbreak and you find yourself still weeping as you wake up. I hate those dreams and I hate the way they make me feel. However, as I recovered from my dream and separated myself from the pain of that dream, I remembered another dream that I had years ago … A dream where I encountered an angel.
Back at the time of that dream, I was just coming out of several years of heavy drinking that very nearly killed me … literally. I was so very fragile emotionally, physically and spiritually. I started going to AA in Seoul, where we were living at the time, and there I met a fellow alcoholic with more than 25 years of sobriety, who would have a great impact on my own recovery. We called him ‘Father Bob’ because of his wisdom and the fact that he really was a pastor. He was a huge, older man, with a greying beard and huge hands… He made me think of Ahab from Moby Dick or Hemingway’s old man from the sea. Every time I would share my sob stories with Bob … about the sad facts of my life and how terrible things were … he would just pat my hand, chuckle and say with his deep, gruffy voice… “Ahh, it ain’t that bad, Pam, just work the steps”, referring to the 12 Steps. Well, that would annoy me to no end. He just didn’t get it. He didn’t understand how horrible my life was. How nobody loved me. How terribly I was treated… on and on and on… and, each time with the same gruffy voice and a pat on the hand, he’d chuckle and say, ‘ahh it ain’t that bad, Pam, just work the steps.” Time and again, it was the same thing.
Later that year, as my family and I were preparing to return to France, my husband’s home country, I was nervous and scared. I always had a difficult time there and was afraid that without my support system in place, I might relapse. I said goodbye to my AA friends and sponsor, and off we went to France for the summer. Now, this was before the days of the Internet, Facebook and text messaging. The only way to communicate then was through mail or the telephone. When you left, you were out of touch, which is part of why I was so nervous, and felt so lonely.
While in France, I had a dream one night. One of those dreams that are so vivid they seem real. It was incredible. In the dream, I found myself in a classroom, which was odd and highly prophetic because I would soon find myself beginning a teaching career. But at the time of my dream, I hadn’t yet even considered teaching. So there I was …
in my dream …
all alone…
sitting at a student desk …
in a French classroom.
I didn’t quite know why I was there. Suddenly, in walked Father Bob. When I saw him, I shouted in joy, ‘Bob, what are you doing here???” I was so happy to see him. All he did was to slowly walk in to the room…sit down at the desk next to me … smile and pat my hand … and with the same, familiar gruffy voice say … ‘Aaaah, Pam… you’re going to be just fine. You’ll be alright’. With that, out he walked from the classroom … and I woke up. I felt so much joy and peace when I woke up. It was wonderful.
Now, I have been journaling for as long as I can remember. And I was particularly prolific in my writing that year as I worked though the steps, my emotions and my relationship with God. The first thing I did when I awoke from my dream was to journal the experience. I was just so amazed at how vivid it all was.
And that dream truly helped me get through my time in France.
At the end of summer, after returning to Seoul, I went to my first AA meeting. I could not wait to tell Bob about my dream and how it had encouraged me to stay sober and well. He didn’t show up and I finally asked one of Bob’s good friends if they knew where he was. With a look of sadness, our friend told me that Bob had passed away over the summer from complications after emergency surgery. I stood there in shock, unsure what to say or think…. And then it hit me. I knew. And so I asked my friend what day Bob had died … but I already knew in my heart when he left this world for ‘home’.
He told me. I went back home and checked my journal for the date of my dream visit with Bob …
As I looked at my journal and saw the date, tears began to form in my eyes and flow down my cheeks as I glanced at the date…
Bob died on the very day that I had the dream. He visited me in my dream to encourage me one more time before heading off to Heaven.
He came to me as an angel.
I never forgot that dream or how God sent Bob to me to share love, encouragement, a view of the God’s future plans for me to be a teacher …
… and the knowledge that I was never, ever alone. What a gift!
I miss Bob.
And I can’t wait for the day when I will see him again and we can marvel at our encounter between two worlds.
… when he was my dream angel.
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