Captured by Pam

words and images by pam wright

Category: Spiritual Attack

Captured: Shut Your Mouth


I mentioned in my post yesterday that my fear has been replaced with confidence. Not confidence in myself, but confidence in God.

With the loss of fear comes the loss of worrying about what others might think of me. God has been teaching me that the only opinion that matters is His and I KNOW his opinion of me. He thinks I’m awesome, and beautiful, and talented…

… and HIS!

Not so long ago, I worried about fully divulging my testimony. I worried that the ‘sordid details’ of my past might influence how others view me. I’ve suffered greatly in the past from that incessant malady known as ‘people-pleasing’. I wanted everyone to like me, and the fear that someone would find out too much about me was debilitating.

But, I’ve come to realize it’s not debilitating to me, but debilitating to God. And I’m becoming less concerned about whether people will like me and more concerned about whether they love God!

Satan has been telling me over the years to shut my mouth! The last thing he wants is for God’s Glory to be revealed in my life. He’d much rather keep me in the dark, mouth closed, muddling through a life enslaved to him in chains of shame, regret, fear and guilt.

I spent years revealing only parts of my testimony… the parts I felt safe to share. I taught in a Christian high school and I would share my testimony, but always with the caveat to keep it quiet. I was afraid that they’d tell others about my alcoholism without the part about what God did in my life. I was afraid I could lose my job, or worse, be judged. So, I hesitated and balked at sharing just how powerfully God has moved in my life. I stifled God.

I shut my mouth.

There is nothing worse than keeping secrets. The stress of trying to keep details about your life from coming out is the worst kind of bondage. And Satan knows it. He’s well aware that fear will keep us from bringing things into the light, so he whispers those things we dread…

… you’re a loser!

… you have no right to say anything to anyone!

… what will people think?

… If anyone ever knew the truth about you…

I’ve been thinking about my situation right now and all the losses I’ve incurred. I know they are not of God, but I also know that God will allow circumstances to happen… He allows Satan to mess with me if it’s for my good and for God’s plan. And I have to chuckle because Satan’s tricks have worked on me before. Many times, he’s gotten me to a place where I was completely ineffective for God… shut down, shut out, with my mouth SHUT! That’s his greatest desire and tool: preventing the power, and glory, and love of God to shine in this world through the testimony and lives of God’s children. Satan works day and night to make sure we are quiet… through shame, through guilt, through regret.

It didn’t work this time with me! I will not shut up. I will not hide. I will not keep my life secret. Because if I do… I’m turning my back on God!

‘If God is for me, who can be against me?’ (Romans 8:31)

So too bad for you, Satan… your little scheme backfired. And I can hear God chuckling right along with me, and the angels are singing and high-fiving each other… because their girl, Pam, will not shut her mouth!

Instead, I say to Satan, and all his little friends…

… you Shut YOUR mouth!!

Captured: Whoah!!!


Light Bulb! Eureka! Revelation!!

I have been revisiting the Beth Moore bible study, Breaking Free, based on scripture from the book of Isaiah. I first went through the study 12 years ago and it was a major turning point in my life and for my faith. I felt compelled a few weeks ago to ‘break free’ once again from the chains that were hindering me, so out came the study book and videos.

This morning, as I went through my study, I had a wonderful, if not disturbing revelation. At this point in my study, I am exploring my rebellion against God. Truly, I never realized how rebellious I’ve been my whole life. Yes, I love Jesus. Yes, I go to church. Yes, I spend time with God everyday. But, I am still incredibly rebellious and I tend to listen to the lies of the enemy about my rebellion, thinking I am doing just fine. I’m thinking differently this morning.

Beth point to six traits of a rebellious child of God:

  1. Doesn’t act like a child of God. (Isaiah 30:9) Check!
  2. Isn’t willing to listen to the Lord’s Instruction (Isaiah 30:9) Check!
  3. Prefers pleasant illusions over truth (Isaiah 30:10-11) Check!
  4. Relies on oppression (Isaiah 30:12) Check!
  5. Depends on deceit (Isaiah 30: 12) Check!
  6. Runs from the real answers (Isaiah 30:15-17) Check!

I have always felt that I was under extraordinary spiritual attack at various points in my life, resulting in some very difficult and heartbreaking circumstances and events. I attributed these attacks to everyone and everything other than the truth  (illusions) … that I was and am being rebellious. God promises to be our protector and as a Christian, I know my salvation is secured. However, I am learning that our protection in the spiritual world can be limited unless we are fully obedient to God, leading to serious repercussions on our lives here on Earth through spiritual attacks. God disciplines our rebellion by allowing the enemy to have his way with us… always under the control of God. I know that He’ll never allow Satan to go too far.

In Isaiah 29:16 God says, ‘You turn things upside down, as if the potter were thought to be like the clay!
 Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, 
“You did not make me”?
 Can the pot say to the potter,
 “You know nothing”?’ (NIV) and then in 30:12-14, says, ‘Because you have rejected this message, relied on oppression 
and depended on deceit, this sin will become for you 
like a high wall, cracked and bulging, 
that collapses suddenly, in an instant. It will break in pieces like pottery, shattered so mercilessly’ (NIV).

Guilty! I have been the ‘god’ of my life, trying to manipulate and ‘run the show’ on my own, listening to the lies of the enemy, and actually finding some sort of misguided sense of comfort in those lies. I have relied on oppression and depended on deceit. After all, I’ve been hearing these lies and have felt this oppression since childhood. It’s what I know. My rebellious nature as an adult, however, means that I allow those lies and that oppression to define my life, and me. And instead of running towards the real answers, I run back time and time again in to the arms of lies, rather than under the protective wing of my Father. I tend to not listen and ultimately, I do not behave like a child of God. And the illusion is that I think I am!! More lies…

At various times in my life, I have been broken and I have been ‘mercilessly shattered’. This is the last thing God wants for me. I am loved, I am cherished and I am worthy of His love, and He wants me to KNOW that… to understand that the lies and oppression are not from Him and I don’t need to live under that umbrella. Sometimes, a little breaking and shattering, allowed by God (not doled out by God!), is the only way to hear Him!

God always shows us the way out, the way back to safety under His protective wing. In Isaiah 30:15 He says, ‘In repentance and rest is your salvation, 
in quietness and trust is your strength’. I love how Beth Moore shares that the word strength in Hebrew, shaqat, implies ‘victory’. Victory over the attacks of the enemy; victory over rebellion!

We are all rebellious in nature as humans. I don’t for a moment believe that my rebellion is ‘cured’ by this revelation. But, we can all limit our rebellion and ‘put on the FULL armor of God’ by adhering to God’s command to repent of our rebellious nature and rest in His promises and power, ‘picking up our cross daily’.

Thanks Beth Moore and PRAISE to you Abba God!!

Note to self: repent and rest, repent and rest, repent and rest!

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