Captured by Pam

words and images by pam wright

Month: October 2013 (page 2 of 2)

Captured: Threads of an Old Life

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I love Tolkien’s ‘The Lord of the Rings’. I just love it. I love the book and I love the movie trilogy.

There is a quote that says: ‘How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart, you begin to understand, there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep… that have taken hold’

Listen to Frodo speak those words in ‘The Return of the King’.

His speech resonates deeply within me… it bring me to tears. And, often, I believe them. I do.

But, we are told otherwise. We are told that God binds up the brokenhearted, turns ashes into beauty and that He turns mourning into dancing.

We all have hurts… some so very deep that we think we’ll never get past the pain. But, God promises otherwise and that is where Faith comes in. I have a friend who has suffered one of the worst losses imaginable this year… the death of his little girl. But, he said something to me recently that really made me think about faith… he believed that faith is just getting up and taking that next step… one foot in front of the other, even when breathing hurts. Even when the truth about God binding up the broken-hearted seems unfathomable. I’ve kept those words in my heart… I know it was God speaking to me through him.

Reminds me of the end of ‘Lord of the Rings’ when Frodo and Sam take those last exhausted steps in completing their part in defeating the evil plaguing Middle Earth. Sam had to carry Frodo those last steps much like Jesus has to carry us at times of hurt and loss.

Yes, we all hurt, and wounds can run deep, and surely, the scars will remain. But, with each scar left over by hurt, there is an opportunity to garner strength, courage, resilience and hope. And truly the hurts may run too deep… they may have lasting affects, but the hope lies in what’s to come for all who speak the name of Jesus.

The happily ever after is yet to come. Until then, we journey on… much like Frodo and Sam… carrying each other at times, loving each other and never, ever giving up hope… because joy WILL come in the morning.

I have faith…

I have hope…

I don’t want the threads of an old life… I prefer to head towards the completion of God’s beautiful tapestry of restoration. And I’m grateful for my part in that story… for my thread… even if it hurts sometimes.

Captured: When you feel like a burden

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Queen’s Anne Lace… isn’t this photo beautiful?? So delicate… so intricate… so like God to give us a glimpse of absolute perfection that can only be found in HIS creation… He brings it, when we just don’t have a clue!!

I am in a position that I never expected for myself. I am living with my daughter, her husband and her new, 5-month-old (TOMORROW!!!) baby boy!

I hate this! I hate being a burden to anyone… and I know my girl… she would hate to hear me say this… a sweeter, more loving daughter could not be had… she is my jewel… one of 3 beautiful daughters who love me and take good care of me… any one of them would do the same … as would my sons… a greater blessing than my 5 children could not be had…

… but I hate this none-the-less! I hate it so much…

Being humble… admitting we can’t do life on our own sometimes…

I won’t lie… there are moments I wish I wasn’t here… that I wasn’t a burden… I do… tonight is hard…

But, I trust God. I trust that being humbled and humiliated a bit is OK…

It’s OK…. sad as I am… I know it’s OK…

There are seasons in life that are unexpected… that make us look up to heaven and say, ‘Why??? Why, Lord??’ But, I can do nothing but trust and love my God for what he is ultimately doing for me… and in me… and through me….

It will be so good… it will! I know this to be true! I KNOW it! Just, please Lord, get me through this….

Oh my beautiful Father in Heaven that makes such beautiful things like Queen’s Anne Lace… let me learn from being a burden!! Let this time bring GLORY to your name!!

Captured: And they lived happily EVER AFTER!!

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Truly… and I say this with all sincerity… there is nothing else like God’s love… I promise, I swear…

Been there, done that… I’ve fallen in love… I had beautiful children that fulfilled me… I have loved. Oh… and HOW I have loved…

I’ve been through everything…

And I promise you… NOTHING compares to what God can offer… to the peace and joy and comfort that comes with loving him!! I promise!! Nothing… Just watch this…

http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=0F21EFNU

It moves me…

I’ve lived overseas for most of my life… the world is vast… the world is bleeding… the prince of this world is having his way… FOR NOW…

But the PRINCE of PEACE… my savior, my love, my GOD… will prevail… He will crush the one who hurts us all so much here on Earth…

How Great is our God???

Unimaginably GREAT!!

… And they lived happily EVER AFTER!!

I LOVE that… but until that day… I join my brothers and sisters who fight to end, and to champion the things that break hearts…

… ‘break our hearts for what breaks yours, Jesus!’

Hugs to the ones who want to make it better… who want to give their lives for a purpose…

They are heroes!

Captured: What if… Then Maybe

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I am SO human… so predictable and I don’t ever seem to get past this one…

I recently had an interview for a job that I’m still waiting to hear about. I would love to get this job and I honestly feel like it’s a perfect fit. But, through the process, I have become really annoyed with myself because I find myself doing the ‘What if… then maybe game’… hoping to get something out of my behavior.

You know what I mean…

What if I love everyone, to the point of exhaustion, ignoring my own needs and well-being… then maybe I will be loved in return.

What if I work incessantly at pleasing people… then maybe I will be loved in return.

What if I am the perfect Christian… following all of the rules to a tee… then maybe God will love me in return.

What if I give all my money to help others… then maybe I will be blessed and loved in return.

What if I do all of the above… then maybe I’ll get that job!

I remember the very first time I did something that garnered praise and love… I must have been 4 and I took it upon myself to clean up the bookshelves that housed my brother’s and my toys. The reaction I received from my father over that little clean-up changed me forever.  I loved his reaction! I loved how grown-up and worthy I felt. He was proud of me!!! It would dictate how I began to work in order garner praise and love for the rest of my life…! People-pleasing…

I still seek that from others … and, wrongly, I still seek that reaction from God. I continually hope that my behavior will make him proud of me. If I behave in a certain way… then maybe He will come through for me.

I limit God by placing human expectations on Him… I think many of us do.

The only things that God is asking of me is to trust him and to wait on him… with patience. I don’t need to do anything or behave in a certain way. I just need to chill… and love and trust my Heavenly Father…

What If I let him have control of my life? What if I trust him with that life? What if I just wait on Him??

Then maybe I won’t have to try so hard and I can appreciate the true expression of love … God’s unfailing love.

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